A Trigger!!!!

The other day while reading Beth Moore, I found some interesting insight on the reason that most people go into an insecure episode.  She calls this insecure initiator a trigger.  For different people there are different triggers... matter of fact for every situation or insecurity there is a different trigger.  Identifying personal insecurities makes you more aware of your triggers.


Ok enough with the explanation... now here's the experience... 


Today I found myself waste deep in insecure operation because I overlooked the trigger.  When I recognized that I had strayed from the mark I held my breath hoping to keep the tears from flowing because  it broke my heart to see myself hoping to find security in a lie.  And while at this moment I even still feel the sting of operating in lies.... there is yet hope for me!


Listen! This is the hope of the gospel!  There is no possible way that, of myself, I can become secure.  No matter how many books I read or how many things I do.  It is the grace of God alone that catches me waste deep in reckless endangerment of the woman God has designed me to be.  And for this reason, being caught at anything less than full throttle, as far as insecurity is concerned, is grace at its best.


God is making moves in my life that I couldn't have thought up! Even better, God is not a respecter of persons.  I am not so special that this growth is just relative to me but it is available to everyone.  Getchu some and then do somthin!!!!


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Clothed in Strength and Dignity

In my reading of Beth Moore's "So Long, Insecurity"  I have reached the chapter where I can begin to look at  my ceiling-to-floor long list of insecurities and choose to heal.  But before she gives us the challenge to press through it all and fully rely on God, she paints a very clear picture of what our insecurities do to us and then how we respond to them.  Different people feel and respond different ways but everyone feels vulnerable in that way.  I for one feel exposed and naked... like everyone can see my secrets and are judging me in my nakedness and because of this very truth I retreat into hiding. I run as if the plague were chasing me and I disconnect from any relationship that has the potential to harm me in my weakness.

What is an interesting is that I felt that way in reading this book.  Vulnerable and exposed.  I get that Beth Moore has done the research and has personally struggled with the same things but her being able to pen so well my silent and secret reality had me hesitant to press through and get to the part of this lesson where God is glorified in my life. I guess I was afraid of what would happen next... would this book guide me in the way of my God and clothe me in Him?... Would my strength be restored or redeveloped? Would I again have my God given dignity? or Would I be left vulnerable and exposed?

Good news!!! "She is clothed with strength and dignity,..." (Proverbs 31:25).  God sees us and the exposure that we experience, He desires to clothe. And the weakness that we are is strength in Him!  What a glorious picture!!! He is our strength and our garment of righteousness!!!

At this point Beth reminds us of the importance of seeing Him in all things and relying on God's ability and purpose to love us well.  The Word of God calls us mighty women of valor and that's who we are.  The way we redeem our dignity in Him is by identifying our insecurity triggers and responding proactively to them differently while relying on the most High God to strengthen and clothe us in Him.  That's enough to shout about!!!! THANK YOU JESUS!!!

Let's Get Down and Dirty!!!

As I read again chapter 5 of Beth Moore's "So long, Insecurity" I am almost tempted to ask her to get out of my cool-aid because she has done everything but write my name in the book.  It's very humbling to understand the reality of what I look like.  Before, I would've have agreed with her when she said that we think "no one gets it!" but by and by I am understanding that people do.  There are many many people who get it.  Even that saddens me because I don't want anybody to get this.  This is not something you wish for as some kind of superlative!  Its not a quality that you want to have but it is very real.

Insecurity is not the worst place to be.  The worst place to be is knowing that you are insecure and accepting it as an unchangeable reality.  I've been there. Matter of fact I've been to a place where insecurity has become my life's expectation.  And while this has been my truth. It is a lie from the pit of hell and I am sending it back.  In the book Beth says that "Recognition is the first step to letting God get to the issue and heal it".  This has to be our life's expectation that the end result of letting God have it is healing! Beth encourages us with these words, "We who are in Christ are never hopeless, never without resources or divine help, even when our bodies are weak."

I must admit that reading these past few chapters was hard for me because she talks about insecurity in the full spectrum of things.  From the shallow reason's we are insecure to the down and dirty roots of the matter we identify ourselves. And as if looking at a list of reasons for my insecurity, it is hard to know that I am still marking checks on my list.  However, looking at the root of why gives me power to uproot it especially because I serve an omnipotent God! That is enough to know that if I continue to press in Him I wont be here long. In Him there is Hope and Healing and for that, I bless GOD!!!! So long, Insecurity!!!

So Long, Insecurity? (a book by Beth Moore)

Upon starting this book I think I completely underestimated the presence of all my insecurities.  I mean everyone knows that in some way or form that they are insecure about things in their lives.  Some women are insecure that their butts aren't big enough or about their weight.  Men are insecure about manly things I guess, I really wouldn't know... In the book Beth talks about Saul's insecurity came in the form of the man David, an amazing warrior that he elevated but then started getting more credit than he was. I guess the bottom line is that insecurity is not relative to time, or gender, or economic status or anything... it just is. It is comforting to know that the battle that I am more aware of today is not one that I fight alone. What sucks about that reality is that many people are stuck in the battle and aren't winning.

In reading this book though, I am sooooo aware of my insecurities.  Its kinda breath taking really.  I think I was aware that I had some insecurities but now I am aware when I respond a certain way or think something or even things I do, too many of them are in the name of me being insecure.  I have been spotted and called out!!!  And while this experience is not one of comfort or delight it does carry much weight in hope. I believe it is God's desire that I become victorious over my insecurities and become secure.  What a blessed hope! ((exhale))... Security!!! Hmmm I am not sure what that feels like... but it is good to be on the journey to doing so.

Beth Moore's "So Long, Insecurity"

At this moment I find myself in need of some major discipleship.  I mean my true and honest desire is that God and I truly are one but I think the problem is that life throws curve balls and the devil is upping his game so that I stay grounded and never take flight.  His ploys are relentless-- I mean we can find this evident in that things that we used to do with God are now boring and monotonous which makes getting in God's presence difficult.  Its kinda upsetting but I understand that in order to keep things fresh with God we gotta change it up. So before when I was kicking it with God the old fashioned way with the Word in front of me and pen in hand... I had to change it up. I am not saying that enjoying the presence of God that way doesn't work... I am saying that only doing in that way wont really help me grow as much as I have the potential to because it is not as enjoyable right now.

I, like most people find spiritual maturity in reading.  So recently as in 2 days ago I bought Beth Moore's "So long, Insecurity".  Let me say that I had no idea, when I subconsciously said to her "disciple me through what you have written as God is discipling you", what I was signing up for.  I guess, I thought this would be some great inspirational reading that will help me deal with some issues and produce growth in my life.  I am sorry that I limited God in that way.  I have reached chapter 4 and thus far Beth has marched down my street, walked in my driveway, stepped on my porch and kicked down the door.

If I am honest it doesn't feel good for God to, within yourself, expose what He is about to clean out but I'm truly grateful.  Thus far in the book we have just thoroughly discussed what my insecurities look like and even the misconception of what security truly is.  I am now consciously aware that when I make a statement or do something if it is dripping in insecurity.  This journey is really just between God and I and yet I am naked and exposed and vulnerable...  But the best place to be is naked before God because this gives Him the opportunity to clothe you in His character. I have a ways to go but as for what I am reading right now, if I apply it I will be a secure woman.

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